Thursday, December 5, 2013

November Goals Recap

So I always love to set monthly goals for myself. More of intentions of the month sometimes, sometimes actual accomplishments. For sake of integrity and being upfront I'd thought I'd finally do a monthly re-cap of my goals. 

  • run 10km comfortably by the end of the month. So I got SUPER sidetracked on this goal because school just got ridiculous for the last two weeks of the month and this past one as well. Adding this to my December list for sure (but maybe adjusting the's gonna get cold, folks!) 
  • book our wedding venue and engagement photos. Not entirely complete but we at least have a confident decision. After this is posted I will be emailing the venue (see this is why I do this...). As for engagement pictures...trying to decide what season we want for them. 
  • get more involved in the community. Definitely getting there! Ryan and I found a few awesome spots in the K/W area and I also got a new job! 
  • finish the semester strong. Meh. Finished yes. Strong? Maybe not AS strong as I would have liked but definitely pleased with the amount of work I put in to each of my papers, presentations, and assignments. Wasn't as stressed as I thought I could have been so that was great. 
  • more yoga in new places. I guess it doesn't count because I got more gung-ho on this this month. Add it to December! 
  • start intentionally responding to text messages, emails, and phone calls. YES! If I did anything amazingly well in November it was being more intentional with my communication. I made sure to text, email, call back as quickly and as often as I could! People actually noticed a difference which was pretty funny but also telling that I really sucked before. 
  • Next? December goal list coming soon! 

    Wednesday, November 20, 2013

    A Quick Rant

    I was just about to post a huge status update on Facebook when I quickly stopped myself. I'm not one to usually post anything to Facebook. I use it more as a 'staying in contact' type of page. But since I still wanted to post it somewhere I thought here would suffice. One of my friends on Facebook liked an article by Huffington Post so it popped up on my newsfeed. My reaction is below for what it's worth...

    This article doesn't bother me because I'm recently engaged (although admittedly that's probably why I originally clicked it). It bothers me because it's a whole article to shaming people who post optimistic, happy things on social media. Is that not allowed any more? I have a problem when it becomes "stupid" or "annoying" to post life updates that you'd like to share with people and they get frustrated. HEY BUDDY, it's not always about YOU. If you don't like it, hide from timeline and move on. Do we really have to write an article bashing people's sharing habits? End rant.

    Sunday, November 17, 2013

    That Time of Year Again

    It always happens in academia. Just as you start getting into the groove of things, the semester starts to wind right back down. Currently I have 7 papers, 3 presentations, and lots of meetings within the next two weeks. I hope I can write a few posts about each paper - I think the stuff is pretty interesting. Mostly I am stressed because I'm not stressed and I'm the biggest procrastinator out there. If I've learnt anything in the last few years in school it's that apparently pressure is my friend. 

    I found out on Thursday night that my practicum placement did not come through. It's both a blessing and a curse in that I have to start all over again in terms of the matching and interview process at such a busy time but I was concerned about not widening my breadth of experiences - now I have that opportunity. I'm really excited to see what comes of the new choices. 

    Wednesday, November 6, 2013

    Things That Match My Soul

    I find all my new favourite music on CBC Radio 2
    Here's my latest heard on the Drive early this evening. 
    Forever and ever - Royal Wood

    Tuesday, November 5, 2013

    On Living with a Significant Other

    Ryan and I recently moved in together for the first time at the ripe age of 22. After decided on where to do my Master's we began looking at places and actually settled on the first and only apartment we looked at. We were so excited for this new and somewhat unknown adventure upon us. The first few weeks were what most couples describe as "playing house". Everything was so easy and fun, like we had been doing it all our lives. But after awhile, little things were becoming annoyances and cleaning was not happening so often and the apartment was getting messy and this and that and life wasn't so easy anymore. And like all things happen in a perfectly timed way, I read this article called I Didn't Love my Wife When We Got Married. After reading the article, we realized that after being in a long-distance relationship for the majority of the time over the past 4 years, love is not something we simply say to each other; it's how we express it in our actions each and every day.

    So many people have been so curious about how we are doing living together. It feels as though they almost expect us to be at each other's throats by now! And in some moments we are, but is that not love? Living in someone's flaws and loving them for it? Some people expect us to have had bumps along the road and struggle with our schedules and coordination. But it all goes back to that notion that love isn't always a feeling we communicate but an action we show. We had that love before we moved in together so it was easy for us to adapt and learn to show it in a new way and trust each other in a new way too.

    One of the coolest things we both realized after leaving together for a short period of time was how much this place feels like home. One day I remember just feeling so at peace with where I was, I asked Ryan if he felt the same way, if he felt that this was his home. He replied of course and we talked more about it. I found it so interesting that after living in an awesomely decorated apartment (thanks parents!) for literally weeks, it felt like the most comfortable place in the world. We realized for one of the first times in our lives that we are literally each other's "home". It didn't matter where we were, how much money we had, whether our apartment was messy or clean, whether or not this was the best decision, it was comfortable being in it together.

    Yes things can get tough like why are there so many dirty dishes in every single room, why is the bathroom seat up, can you just put the cap on the toothpaste on, stop throwing my loofa on the floor of the shower type of things. But at the end of the day, those things make us who we are and I love them. How much would I hate to wake up tomorrow morning discovering Ryan was no longer part of my life. That my loofa was constantly hanging in the proper place and I never had to pick it up - so boring. That there were no socks or pants on the floor of his side of the bed - that homeyness feeling. I love those things and love learning how to turn my love into an action rather than feeling. And now I get to do that everyday.

    Oh, he also sends me pictures of our family when I'm not home!

    Monday, November 4, 2013

    November Goals

    Courtesy of Melissa at [insert sarcastic remark here]

    • run 10km comfortably by the end of the month. This will be difficult as I already hate running outside in the cold and running on the treadmill anymore then half an hour is painfully boring. It;s a conundrum I will have to face and tackle this month 
    • book our wedding venue and engagement photos. We've been putting so much off on this wedding planning business...probably because there's so much to think about it and we don't even know where to start. 
    • get more involved in the community. Find events and attend them. We struggle most with the latter. 
    • finish the semester strong. I'll admit it. I'm not as busy as I thought I would be or as much as I should be. I AM going to get a hold on all the readings, put my all into assignments, and stop complaining. 
    • more yoga in new places. I've only really ever done yoga at my gym. I'd love to try a place that actually "specializes" in yoga, lives and breathes it type of thing. One of my friends keeps asking me if I'd be up for joining but I never respond. Which brings me to...
    • start intentionally responding to text messages, emails, and phone calls. This has got to be one of my biggest bad habits right now. Doesn't matter who or when or how, I just never respond to things, ever! Get on this, now! 

    Sunday, November 3, 2013

    A Ruff Conversation

    "Can you please put some of the laundry away?" - DeeBee

    "Yea, I'm just so tired. I took the dog on a super long walk this morning and worked all day" - Ryan

    "So did Zoey. She had a long walk and worked really hard in her crate all day long" - DeeBee

    "No she didn't! She slept all day! Sometimes I wish I had a human-sized crate. It'd be so comfy and cosy. It would be so warm to sleep in and have all these toys around me" - Ryan

    "Like as in a bedroom?" - DeeBee

    "NO! It would have a cover on top." - Ryan

    "Like a ceiling?" - DeeBee

    "Ugh." - Ryan

    Back to the Basics

    Here's the thing.

    I love this here little blog and I can't seem to get away from it. Not one little bit.

    I'd always loved the idea of blogging with my best friend and now fiance, Ryan. What a better time to start then when we were moving in together for the first time? Perfect! Well, it's actually drifted to the way side for some specific reasons:

    1. I found that I was writing WAY more often than Ryan was. What was the point of having a joint blog if I was the only one posting? I didn't want to come off as if I was speaking for us as a couple the whole time - I'm only one half.
    2. Based off of the previous point I had this pressure that if no one was posting regularly, that I would have to remember to post everything myself! This got really difficult when weeks went by without posting. So much unconscious pressure!
    3. There are so many things I am interested in and want to post about that don't necessarily reflect Ryan and I as a couple. I am happy to say that we are both do not primarily identify ourselves in relation to the other HOWEVER we are huge parts of each other's lives. So I felt myself holding back because I knew some of the things I wanted to write about weren't things that representing Ryan to the fullest.

    I could probably ramble aimlessly on but you get the idea. So here's where I am now, resurrecting this old blog of mine. It actually feels so cosy and snuggly, just clicking on that "DeeBee" button again.

    You best believe that there will be some good posts coming soon. Starting my Masters in Social Work has forced so many ideas, concepts, theories, thoughts into my brain it may explode any day now.

    Saturday, March 2, 2013

    March, let's go

    I love a good new month. So much to look forward to and so much to leave behind (like the bad stuff, that sounds kind of semi-dramatic). So I am linked up with Melissa from [insert sarcastic remark here] and her goals for the month. And March, being that first sense of Spring is a great month to pull myself together and get my mind back where it needs to be.

    • organize my time. I usually give myself to-do lists for each day just so I can stay on track but I really think I need to plan out my days hour by hour this month. So many meetings, work shifts, volunteering, papers that I really need to buckle down and stop wasting precious time. 
    • have more tea dates. I had the opportunity to have a great tea date with a colleague from work this past Thursday and loved it. I rarely take the time to put work completely away and just talk with someone. When you make the time to schedule a date, both parties are invested in the conversation and it feels so refreshing from day-to-day hurry. 
    • write a thesis. Ya, no big deal just start and finish my thesis. That's the main goal of this month. It took me so long to narrow down my topic that I've left all the writing (and a lot of the research) to the last month available. But I'm confident everything will work out. 
    • drive a vehicle legally. I don't want to go ahead and label this year for me but if I might be something like "lazy". I let my license expire last summer so Sally has been in a underground parking lot waiting to get fixed up and accompany me to get my license again. But she will be going into the hospital tomorrow and I hope to get back on the horse by the end of the month. 
    • spend more time listening. I've been already working on this for almost all of February but I don't want to take it off my mind just yet. I'm a pretty big talker and I like people to know my thoughts all the time. However, from my experience with similar people I find it exhausting to listen to the same person just talk for the sake of air coming out of their mouths and not actually engaging in a conversation with someone. So I've made a conscious effort to spend more time listening to others but I also want to spend more time listening to other things like music, nature, and just being still. Not a hippy yet but maybe one day...kidding. 
    • keep my room clean. I know that when my room is clean, I am happy and healthy. Hence why I've been grumpy and sick lately. I gotta take more care of my room, keeping my desk workable, and staying on top of laundry or else I may go insane. 
    Happy March, folks! 

    Friday, March 1, 2013

    5 weeks...

    I woke up early today. I've been finding that lately, I've been waking up exactly two minutes before my alarm goes off every morning. Seriously. And I'm loving being able to have a relaxing tea and computer read before I head out for the day.

    Today marks 5 weeks left of my degree. Five. What a good number.

    2 presentations. 2 papers. 1 thesis.

    That's all, that's all that's left. As I finished my last exam this passed Tuesday, it felt a bit bittersweet (more sweet than bitter). I want all my "lasts" to be my best but I can feel the energy leaving and exhaustion taking it's place. It's even more sad because this semester I have loved every single one of my classes, I've felt personally connected to everything I'd been learning and now of all times I'm just tired. Drained. And worried.

    Well, with that I am off again to catch a train home in hopes of fixing my Sally, my car and getting her back into gear which also means I need to get myself back into gear and get my license again....

    Thursday, February 28, 2013

    Quarter Life Crisis

    In case you have it heard it enough on this blog....I'm going through some life changing times right now. I've been trying to hide away from the blog in fear that everyone will judge me with my extravagant (hint not extravagant) plans post-grad. Then I realized, people are going to judge me in real life so why not let them judge me at a distance on the Internet?

    That being said, I still feel too scared to tell you what those plans are. Maybe one day that will spill out, all the more reason to stay updated on this blog again! Right? Because in all honesty I won't really have a plan in place until sometime between April-August. And if you know me at all you know that I despise uncertainty and am not a lover of "going with the flow". Oh, I can certainly "go with the flow" if you tell me where the flow is going, or what's happening next, or what I should be wearing when I'm "going with the flow", who might be accompanying me whilst I'm flowing along. You get the point. I wouldn't say I'm a detail oriented person per se, but I just need to know what's next. So you can imagine what it's like for my mind right now not knowing what's happening with MY LIFE next.

    Disregard what this figure has to say about voting. I highly support active citizenship, duh. 

    I know I'll be happy (I think) and that I'll be with the people I love (hopefully). But I just can't get past this uncertainty. Some people really love this feeling. HOW?! I mean I could spend all my money and hop on a plan to Australia or something but I'd have to know what's in store for the future for that to happen.

    Am I missing something that all my fellow 21 year olds already get? Something along those YOLO lines? I get it, I get it. Do what you want, don't care about the future. Well did you ever stop to think that I CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE?! I do. It's part of my Myers Briggs personality type, check it out.

    So what's happening in the mean time? Well I'm dropping a course for the first time because I'm feeling far too overwhelmed on an hourly basis. I just finished an assignment (WHOOP) and just waiting to hear back about the future of my life







    Tuesday, January 8, 2013

    Chaos in the Morning

    It's only 11:30am as I sit here at my very own table in the library and write this post. It's already been a day worth writing about. As I trekked across campus all I could think about is how this morning was straight out of a movie or book, with imaginary background music played inside my head and all.

    When I left my room and headed to the front door, I already knew something was up. Something just didn't feel right, like I had forgot something. Was it a necklace? My deodorant? I quickly found out once I walked to the bus stop. I had forgotten my student card - my ticket to getting on to the bus. I wasn't concerned about the fact I may have to pay to get on but that I could not even contemplate where my student card would be if it wasn't in my coat pocket. Thankfully, the bus driver wearing some sweet aviator shades let me on without having a student card or having to pay. What a gent.

    Last night I was commending myself on how brilliant I was for putting my schedule into my calendar before the winter break - room numbers and all. That was I wasn't scrambling on the first day of class and looked seemingly organized and prepared. Thanks to my handy skills, I proceeded to my 10am class this morning after grabbing a quick tea. The calendar told me to head to MACK 116. Easy peasy. I have had an infinite amount of class in the building and knew exactly where the room was. I opened the door and the class was already packed - a bit strange. After finishing a semester when all the weak students haven't been to class in ages, empty seats spewed out all over the room, to a class where I can't even see an empty chair from the doorway. It was weird. The professor for my class I had had before so I knew what she looked like. I looked to the front of the room and the lady looked very different. She had either aged quite a lot after her maternity leave or this was a different person. I thought to myself that maybe she couldn't make it today and this was another professor in the department filling in. Then I started looking around...listening to conversations.

    I asked the girl beside me, "what class is this?"

    She replied, "equine management."

    "Wow. I should not be here, this is not my class at all."

    I hope that didn't make her feel bad or I came off the wrong way...I was just genuinely confused. When I stood up to leave I saw an Aggie walking toward. This was very, very wrong. I quickly went out into the hall and found a table to set my tea on (my hand was burning at this point). I forgot that calendar, clearly it didn't do it's job and checked my course outline online to see where the class could be. I saw my professor's name and a room, MINS 215. Shit, that's literally across campus, I even have to cross a ROAD. A road with cars and everything. I didn't run since I was going to be late anyways and was now back to carrying that scolding hot tea. When I got into to the building, winded all away around the maze of rooms to 215, I realized it was a bank of offices. My professor's OFFICE! I just walked across campus to my professor's office which she clearly would not be at since she was scheduled to be teaching a class starting right now. A class I was supposed to be in!

    I went back to my phone. Scrolled the page less than 1mm up and saw that I had read her personal information. Just below was the room for the class, MACK 115. Noticing it yet? Yes, I had originally gone to MACK 116, the room right beside the class I was trying to find. Rookie mistake. I had a quick mental tug of war with myself. Should I head back, walk in, struggle to find a seat for an intro class or just end to the library and get my work done? I answered that question rather fast - headed to class, of course. What do you take me for, a non-nerd?

    I walked back across campus again, probably slower this time, took the wrong door into the building which freaked me out. WHERE AM I?! Why is this happening to me? I settled those thoughts and realized I just took the first door instead of the second. That's fine, I just had to walk inside a bit longer than I am used to, poor me. I found the room, walked in the class and desperately looked at my classmates as there were no seats anywhere except one seat exactly in the middle of each row in the room. Meaning I would have to scramble past 6 people with 2 bags, a now luke-warm tea, wiping my butt across their faces trying to pass. I slowly crouched forward looking for a spot. A girl had piled all her winter garments on the seat beside her, scarf, mittens, hat, coat. I asked if I could sit there and she politely moved all of her things.

    Phew. I got there. Looked up and saw the same prof that I had had two years earlier. Longer hair, skinnier than before with a picture of her 16 month old daughter on the screen. I want to be her when I grow up.

    Monday, January 7, 2013

    Oh Hello There

    Remember me?

    The namesake of this here blog?

    Yea, so let's not beat around the bush. I stopped writing last semester. There are probably many reasons for the decision but one stands out; uncertainty. So many aspects of my life feel like they're about to change right now, grow, become something new. I was scared to write about my daily happenings, journeys, in fear that I would somehow "fail" and the world would know it to be true. But here I am, a new year, new term at school (the last one to be exact), and feeling like I just need to be back with my blog. I'm not sure if I'll get over that fear of "failing" but I'd like to keep you back in the loop of my musings.

    I was the first one to embark on the -14 degree weather this morning. I caught the bus with perfect timing, unlocked the gate to work, and got my essential tea and bagel for breakfast. I spent the first 2 hours of my day catching up on 110 emails that had flooded in over the holidays. I actually enjoyed that. After explaining to the next worker what needed to be done throughout the day (a lot), I headed to the bookstore on campus to purchase a new notebook and a few nice pens to start the semester off right. After meandering around for what felt like forever, looking at sweaters that cost over $60 and knowing I would probably not be seen in them after 6 months time, I headed to the cashier with my three purchases. I got my stuff together and headed to my first class of the term in a building I've never been in before so I thought I'd head over earlier than usual. This was a good idea because I had no idea where in the building my room was but I did find out that the building has a little cafe and a couch outside of the room. Perfect. This was my first thesis class. I was pretty nervous but more excited than anything. The professor seems great; intelligent but down to earth. The perfect mix. The class seems very professional but a lot of fun - just like her I guess. We got out early so I speed walked to my bus stop to head home for a washroom break and lunch. After watching an episode of Bunheads (interesting show...) and finishing my lunch of carrots and hummus, I kept wandering back and back and back to my blog wondering why I had been refusing to even look at it for the past two months. Fear of failure. Blogging is strange to me sometimes, and I've seen so many other writers talk about this as well. The insanity of documenting your life on the Internet for everyone to read...and then keeping up with it. It can be a part time job in of itself. So I'm not here to make any crazy promises about writing five times a week, let alone once a week but just to acknowledge that I hear you little blog and I miss you too. Perhaps we may rekindle our relationship. We shall see.